a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
