so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she told me i tasted like america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My liver just had a heart attack.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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