before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
