Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
