If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
