he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
