remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
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We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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