Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
