2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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