After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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