i'm signing you up for texting rehab
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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