I'm going to jail i love you
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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