Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
They are going to name an STD after you.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
