Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
