I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
