It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
