Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
