Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
