Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
