The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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