Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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