I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
