When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Someone signed my nipple.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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