I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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