she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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