White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
