I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
