And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
