I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
operation have a gay friend backfired
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
