is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
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Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
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He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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