You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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