i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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