its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
