I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
