does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
