Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
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