she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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