i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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