I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he thought i was a dude.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
