WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
