Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
