Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
