I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
