I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
