it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
