Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
