So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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