dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Is that strawberry winking at me??
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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