I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
