Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
