I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
