i don't like sucking hair
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
