He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
dude. I can hear the air.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
