Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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