It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
