I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
