I wish I only lived at night.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
