We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
