Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
