why didn't you poke me back
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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