i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
