it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
operation harelip BJ is a go
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
