when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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