I heard we made out
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
