Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
