can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
