I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
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Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
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Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I am one with the molecules
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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