weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
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You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
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don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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