Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
