He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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