i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
