wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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