It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
