After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
