Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
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he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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