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• (734): View more from Michigan

  I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  Shittttttt.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  Really stoned

  (440): View more from Ohio

  just sent my roommate on a cheese run

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.

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• (623): View more from Arizona

  I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt

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• (916): View more from California

  let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.

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• (415): View more from California

  After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time

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• (801): View more from Utah

  Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.

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