she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello