There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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