I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
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I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
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Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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